Busy Year

This last year has been a busy one for me, starting with the new roof on the house, and ending this last month with mom's unexpected death and it was hard on me being as close as I was to mom. It was even harder on my brother, who was on his way up from Memphis when mom died, she was laying in he Hospital bed when he got there and crawled into bed with her and stayed there for almost 30 minutes. I am still  going through her cloth and getting them ready to go to Goodwill, as for the rest of her things, since mom and I went together and bought the house, it is all mine, so I am taking my time going through it room by room.

How have I coped with mom dying you nay be asking, it is my faith in the 12 Gods of Olympus, and knowing they have been with me and watching over me this past month and year and as I am writing this I am sending them my Prayers and Love.

Electronic Cigarette's, and Mom.

A few weeks ago, I bought an Electronic Cigarette called Pure Smoke, I get the nicotine I need without all the other junk that is in a regular Cigarette, I can now smoke inside where it is cool and not have to go outside or into another part of the house, and since mom is on oxygen, that is great. The Starter pack cost $49.99 while a Carton of the cigarette's themselves cost only $18.99, 10 bucks cheaper them a regular carton cost.

Mom has been confused a lot here lately and thinks most of the time we are in different house and that we live in Doniphan and not Poplar Bluff, Mo, and as usual ewveyone I have called to come and help can not come, they have something more important to do, well to hell with them and their better then thou art attitude, and believe me when I say this, S**t is going to hit the fan as soon as mom is gone, since they have not come and helped me or visited with mom while she is alive, those three assholes will not be coming to the Funeral if I can help it. Yes I am pissed and could care less what happens to those three money grubbing cousins of mine. Dad could not stand two of them because they were like their father, and the other one had him fooled into thnking she was the best one of the three, and didn't want two them around, and I can not stand them and they will not be coming around me as soon as mom is gone. They can take their skin deep Christian Religion and shuve it where the sun doesn't shine. Mom has ask for them to come and her me, I have called and they have refused to come of had something they thought was more important then family. The one that has surprised mom and I and who comes and helps me when I need it, is the one we didn't think would come, Her favorite brother's youngest daughter, who works and yet comes and helps me when something happens, she even takes off work to help me the days mom goes to the Doctor's.

Mom woke me up this morning around 3am talking to her mom, dad and favorite brother and for staying with her, she was having a panic attack and didn't want be to alone, mom has been having them a lot here lately. I may be wrong, but I think it is because she does not understand when is happening and why she is not getting any better, she thinks she is still he early stages of Alzheimer's when she is in the late middle to early late stages. She is still seeing people who are not there and most of the time she thinks she is working and keeps calling for this one women who used to work with her. The Sun is coming up here now, and I need to close this and go get dressed, so I will close this and write another blog later today or this evening and tell you how the day went.

Todays Blog is about me with a little about Mom.

Where to start? I know the first thing I would like to tell you, is that I am a Wiccan/Witch, I also follow the Greek Goddesses and Gods, with emphases mainly on The Mother Goddess Artemis who is my Matron Goddess and Dionysos Zargareus God of the Thracian's, who is my Patron God. I follow the Modern Calender and believe the Goddesses and Gods understand why I do not use the Hellenic Calendar. I am a Solitary and do all my Rituals in the nude, or Sky clad, I cast a Circle and when I don't I ask the Goddess and God to protect me and keep all the Spirits and curses away from me. Like most who Worship Dionysos today, I believe that sex is a part of worshipping him, and since I am a Solitary, I do what I think is pleasing to him. I almost forgot something, I am also Gay and love being able to let myself go when I am worshipping the God Dionysos, he was and is after all what we call today Bisexual, and had sex with Immortal Gods and with Mortals. Wine is sacred to him, as is the Grape Vine, Fennel, Common Ivy. Artemis and Dionysos are as real to me as Jesus is the the Christians and as Allah is to the Moslem's. This may surprise some of you , but I believe all men and women are born Bisexual and that it is the Christians, Jews and Moslem's who believe the men were put on this earth to have sex with only women, and the women to have sex with only men, they seem to have forgotten that most animals at one time or the other have sex with other males and the females have sex with other females.

Now something about mom and how she has been doing. She stayed in bed all day yesterday, but did get up this morning to take her medicine, ate her breakfast and then after I changed her sheets, she went back to bed and is not sleeping here at 1:33 PM. She was confused this morning, and kept hitting the arm of her Wheel Chair, and telling someone to stop that, you are going to hurt yourself, part of the time her words were slurred and I could not understrand what she was saying but her Yes and No's were plain and I could understand them. I think the reason she is sleeping most of the time now is because she has given up and doesn't want to be a burden to me any more. she also believe's no on wants to be around her anymore because she is sick and has also decided she wants to die. She has not told me this, but I am sure that is the way she is thinking and since I am the only one taking care of her, I have gotten to know mom really well over the last three years.

A Lazy Sleepy Day for Mom.

Today was one of mom's lazy day's, she stayed in bed and slept, and is still asleep here at 9:50pm, I didn't have time to rest I tried to catch up on the Laundry and worked on the Kitchen, I am fixing to take the trash out by the curb so it can be picked up in the morning. I also got caught up on my 2 days worth of Emails that had stacked up on me. As you can see I took the time to write this and get it posted, I know it is not much but at least it is something. A Cousin is comign by tomorrow so I can go to the Store and pick up a few things, so I need to get busy and work on the Kitchen some more, I am still putting things away and cleaning up off the stinking cat hair from Samantha.

No Sleep.

Mom did not sleep last night and I only got about 4-5 hours of sleep becauae of it, which I am used to since once a week she will not go to sleep at night, then when she does she sleeps for two days. She is confused as usually and thinks dad left her for another woman, she can not or does not want to remember that he passed away almost 14 years ago of a heart attack brought on my his cancer. She also thinks eveyone in the family doesn't love her anymore and does not want to come and see her. I do not blame her in thinking that way since she do not come and visit the way they used to when we lived on the farm, and even the consin who comes and helps me hasn't been here in a week or two, said her was sick and didn't want to give what she had to mom.

I forgot to add a Photo of my cat Samantha Sue this last week so here it is now, I love her and miss her so much,  She was and will always be my Baby Girl.

What has happened today, July 5th.

Today has been an uneventful day, or at least by everyoones else's standards it would be. Mom seems to be in a great mood, and remembers my name, which means something to me since she has not been remembering it here for a few weeks, she calls me everything by by my first name, which is, Rodger, or by my nick name Roddy. sometimes she calls me Jake, sometimes Jackie, sometime John or George, or Pete, or whatever else comes to her mind, Today though she has been calling me using my full name, Rodger Dale Campbell, or Roddy Dale Campbell. She is also still in bed here at 10:17am and doesn't want to get up, but I will be getting her up here in a short while anyway, since she needs to take her Medicines and eat Breakfast. Right now she is calling for Jackie, who I believe is one of the Women she used to work with at the Hospital.

Nothing much happened here yesterday, Mom stayed in bed and slept part of the day, while I worked on my Computer and around the house, right now I am washing some cloths, and here after while I will dust and vacumn the living room. Tomorrow I am going to do a late Spring-Early Cleaning of the Kitchen and try to get everything in order so we can at least see what the counters look like, I hate a dirty house and Kitchen, and haven't been able to clean it the way I have wanted. I also can not seem to find anyone who will come and keep the house clean for us, no one wants to do it anymore. I will close this for now and write somemore either later this evening or sometime early in the morning telling you how mom did the rest of the day. Until then so long and have a safe and happy day.

11:10am. I had to add this, those of you who know anything about Alzheimers will know why I am writing this, Mom remembered my name, not only that she said it, which I think is neat and cool.

Mom and I and my Cat.

Mom slept real good last night, even though she went to sleep about 12am, she woke up at around 9am this morning, she has been confused but then that is normal for her now. My Dad's 2 sister's Louise and June alone with Louise's daughter Kay came by this morning and stayed for a few hours. My Cousin Pauletta came by about 2:30pm and gave mom a shower, Paula, mom's niece came by at around 4pm and stayed for about an hour, so we have had a busy day here, and mom is wore out and should sleep great tonight.

My Cat Samantha Sue passed away sometime last night, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I am still shook up about it, she was my Baby Girl, I got her when she was about 6 weeks old and she followed me around like a dog through out the house. She also slept with me every night and it is going to seem strange not having her in bed with me tonight, this may seem strange to some, but I put one of my shirts, her favorite cat food, and some Catnip in the box with her. I plan on burying her in the Front Flower bed, and then planting some catnip and maybe a Yellow or Red Miniature Rose there this next Spring, that way she will also have flowers on her Grave and I will be able to talk to her when ever I want. She hated kids, but loved being around people When we were rebuilding the house after the fire, we put some beams across the living room, Samantha would walk the beams and then sleep up there where it was dark. She loved setting on the Second Floor landing and watchibng us while we were in the Living Room, either watching TV or visiting with whoever was there at the time. In a way, I guess I should have expected her passing away anytime, she was after all about 18 years old, and had lost a lot of weight the last few months and weeks, she was my Baby Girl and a part of my family, and I will not be able to replace her, but sometime in the future I will adopt another Cat, and I hope and pray She/He is a good natured and loves me as much as my Baby Girl did.